you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
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