he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
