my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
