i was born a porn star she said
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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