I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
