Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
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