'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
