epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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