Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
