I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
