You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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