Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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