So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
