you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
