We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I deserve to be covered in dicks
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize