And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
