Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
