whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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