I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
