OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Enjoy the penises
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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