is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Randomize
