in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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