butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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