i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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