ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Randomize
