Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
