Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Randomize
