My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize