im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
we're so committed to being not committed
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
