I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
