I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
