we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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