the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
