While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
