I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I'm both gender and math confused
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