It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
