Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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