I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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