I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
