It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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