New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
