I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
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