i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
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