do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
They took my balls.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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