I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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