Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
