Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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