Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Randomize
