he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
