The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
