That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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