Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
