I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
