I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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