do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
