last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Slut skills are useful in every country.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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