TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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