that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
