so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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