all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Im just a social blackout drinker.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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