Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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