it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
