that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I think your dad took our porno
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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