the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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