yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
