Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
