New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
