i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
