just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
