Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
