Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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