I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
