I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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