My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Randomize
