I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
