i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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