Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
His hands were made for my vagina.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
