I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
