I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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