hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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