Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
