He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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