I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
